I have been thinking lately, that I know I care too much. I don’t mean that directed at anyone or any particular thing. I have always been one of those people who cares so much about what others think, and their feelings, that I forget my own. I repress my own thoughts and feelings, for fear of seeming inconsiderate or fear of those I care about seeing my feelings as stupid, to be blunt. I struggle with that a lot. I always have. I feel, and sort of hope, that I am finding a way to balance caring for others without repressing myself.
I am a very nice and considerate person. I am an overthinker who was blessed with a sensitive and caring heart. And I think, sometimes people can see that and respect it and give back the same. But other times they see it and know that I care too much. They know they can do or say what they want without fear of me throwing out the same at them. They know they can rely on me for whatever their need is because I care. Problem is, they don’t always return the favor.
I am a strong person, I can stand on my own two feet. But let’s face it, sometimes even though that may be true, I want to be cared for the way I care for others. I want the consideration I give others. You get to a point in life where you do see who really cares, and who just cares when it’s convenient for them. And as I said at the beginning, this is not directed towards anyone or anything. Just thoughts that cross my mind from time to time. I see and notice everything. I just don’t always call it out loud.
So what I hope to be able to do in the future is care in a way that is still considerate, still loving, still supportive, still there when I’m needed. But while doing those things, still be able to care and it not control me, not keep me from caring about my own feelings and thoughts and needs. It is a very delicate balance, I know. It is one I must find for myself and put into practice. I want to be able to love and care for others without forgetting or changing me.
Remember to love yourself too.